


Honeymoon

by orphan_account



Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 20:04:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander cannot see why things cannot carry on the way they always have after his marriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honeymoon

I paced up and down my room, considering my options. I had known Hephaistion was upset by my marriage to Roxanna, but I had thought he had understood the reasons behind it. I had taken Hephaistion’s words ‘I wish you a son’ as words of understanding and forgiveness. But now it seemed that Hephaistion was still angry about it. He hadn’t reproached me in any way since, he had been perfectly courteous to me in public; but he hadn’t come to me alone. 

Several nights I had restrained from my efforts to sire a child to do what I really want and wait in my room for Hephaistion to come. But he hadn’t. I had made a number of comments; enough hints for Hephaistion to be sure I’d be waiting in my room but still Hephaistion had not come. I’d even tried going to Hephaistion’s room but he hadn’t been there. In annoyance I had searched the palace for Hephaistion but hadn’t found him. 

And now I didn’t know what to do. How to make things right with Hephaistion? How could I make this right between us when Hephaistion wouldn’t be alone with him?  
He had no choice.

‘Cleitus,’ he called, walking through rooms until he found him.

‘Alexander?’

‘Cleitus, I want Hephaistion brought to my room after supper,’ I could see the confusion in Cleitus’ eyes and got the feeling that he was about to question it ‘please Cleitus, just do as I ask will you?’

‘A…’

‘Just have it done,’ I snapped. Cleitus looked both shocked and confused but apparently he didn’t think it wise to question me again. He probably thought that his King had finally gone mad. I had a moment of doubt over the plan, Hephaistion was going to be pretty angry over this, but then what right did he have to avoid me? What choice had me left me? 

All through the meal I watched Hephaistion, I had made it clear that I would be in my room that night and I hoped against hope that Hephaistion would come to my room willingly. I left quickly after dinner and paced my room, practicing my speech to Hephaistion.

About ten minutes later Hephaistion was led in by two soldiers, and yes he looked very angry.

‘What is this Alexander?’ Hephaistion snapped.

I gestured for the guards to leave us and then shrugged ‘I needed to see you.’

‘You’ve seen me all day,’ Hephaistion pointed out ‘I fail to see…’

‘You know what I mean,’ I interrupted him ‘you’ve been avoiding me, you’ve been avoiding coming to me,’ I watched Hephaistion closely, but he made no effort to deny it, just sighed and looked away ‘why?’

‘You’re married,’ Hephaistion said firmly, turning back to him.

‘And you’re angry at me for it? You know I had no choice…’

‘I’m not angry Alexander,’ Hephaistion replied calmly, but I could see the cool anger in his eyes.

‘You clearly are.’

‘I’m not angry over you getting married; I am angry that you had me dragged here.’

‘What was I supposed to do? You wouldn’t talk to me, and if you’re not angry then why have you been avoiding me, why haven’t you come to me?’

Hephaistion sighed and started to walk away, anger flared in me and I grabbed his arm and swung him back towards me, pulling him tight against me.  
‘You’re not leaving,’ I stated quietly.

‘I’m not leaving?’ he repeated in disbelief.

‘Not until we have this sorted,’ I replied firmly.

‘And if I try to go?’

‘I’ll have to order you to stay; I don’t want to do that but…’

Hephaistion looked at me consideringly ‘and if I disobeyed you?’

‘There are guards waiting outside to make sure that you don’t,’ I was regretting the words as I spoke them, wondering if I would actually stop him if he tried to leave. I could tell he was looking at me trying to work out the same thing; would I go through with my threat. I saw a realisation cross his face and to my horror I saw he’d decided that I was basically ordering physical favours from him. Anger sparked in his eyes and to my surprise I felt it burn through me as well. How dare he suppose that I would ever force myself upon him? All I had wanted was to talk to him, to try and mend whatever was between us.

‘I only want to talk to you,’ I said, and saw him flinch at the anger in my voice, which only made me feel more furious at him, he had never flinched before me, never.

‘Sit down’ I ordered and with a last glance at the door he did, raising an eyebrow at me. I couldn’t remember a time when we’d been this angry at each other. I tried to think of a way to make this better, to undo the damage done but I couldn’t. Instead I snapped angrily. ‘You’ve been deliberately avoiding me,’ he just stared back at me ‘all these times I wanted you to come to me and you haven’t.’

Still he said nothing.

‘Answer me,’ I cried.

‘Or what?’ he asked softly.

‘Do you not…’ I broke off, how to talk about this when we’d never had to before; so much had been unspoken. 

He sighed and stood up; I pushed him back in his seat and sat down beside next to him. ‘Do you not want me anymore?’ I asked finally. I couldn’t read his face; had no idea what he was thinking.

‘You married her, I understand why but you have to see that it changed things between us,’ he wasn’t looking at me.

I grabbed his arm, perhaps too strongly but I didn’t care ‘why, it doesn’t change how I feel about you, I had to get married, I thought you understood.’

‘I do understand,’ he replied, still not looking at me.

‘So why are you so angry at me?’

‘Because you think you can do whatever you like,’ he had never raised his voice to me before, ‘you think you can get married and just carry on fucking me, you think you can have me dragged in here by soldiers because you want to talk to me, even though it’s clear that I didn’t want to see you.’

I looked at him and I felt my anger melt away. He was genuinely hurt.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said softly ‘I’m sorry that my marrying Roxanna has hurt you.’

He shock his head ‘it’s not your fault, you had to get married, it’s just this is so hard, I should have stopped this years ago, we should have stopped this years ago, like other boys, we should have grown out of it.’

That hurt. ‘I never thought what I felt for you was something I was going to grow out of it,’ I said coldly.

‘Not what we feel… but, you know…’

‘Me fucking you was how I believe you put it a moment ago,’ my voice was still cold, I would have never used that word to describe what we had. 

He flinched at the word when I said it but he nodded ‘yes, that’s what I mean, most other boys grow out of…physical love with each other.’

‘I guess they do, but I always thought that what we had was more special than what most boys had,’ I said bitterly.

‘It is’ he said and moved closer to me earnestly ‘of course it is.’

‘Just not the “physical” side of it?’

He looked away but nodded.

‘I don’t understand,’ I said, the hurt clear in my voice ‘you obviously think being physically intimate with me is shaming in some way.’

‘It’s not…you wouldn’t understand.’

‘No I wouldn’t,’ I said, very coldly ‘because I love you.’

‘And I love you.’

‘I find that a little hard to believe right now.’

‘It’s different for you.’

‘How?’ I snapped.

‘Because you’re not the one…’

‘I’m not the one what?’ I snapped again.

‘You’re not the one having to submit, you’re not the one…’ he broke off embarrassed, blushing slightly.

That made me smile inwardly, I couldn’t remember the last time he’d blushed in front of me, the affection this gesture inspired helped me to calm down enough to realise what it was that had upset him.

‘Is that what this is all about?’ I asked him gently ‘that I’m the one who…’

‘Yes,’ he said briskly, cutting me off before I could say it, the blush had crept down his neck now. And I was no longer angry; it just seemed amusing to me that all this was over something that could be so easily fixed.

‘I always thought that you liked me fucking you?’ I asked, knowing the answer.

‘You know I do,’ he said quickly ‘in fact that’s part of the problem; I’m too old to still be enjoying this, enjoying being conquered.’

I pulled him to me suddenly, wrapping my fist in his shirt and kissed him harshly, I pulled back before he could ‘if that’s all that this is about, it’s easily fixed.’

He looked puzzled ‘I don’t…’

‘You fuck me, that way you’re the conqueror, I never thought about it before, never knew you saw it like that, I’ve always thought of us as equals in everything, I don’t see why we shouldn’t be equals in this.’

I laughed at the pure shock on his face and waited for him to say something.

‘Well?’ I asked him finally.

‘I don’t…you’d let me do that, you’d…’

I nodded and reached up to touch his face gently ‘the only reason I’ve always been the aggressor is because I thought that was what you wanted.’

‘I do want it,’ he said softly.

‘Right, and that’s part of the problem, you said, the way I see it is, you take me, you’ll know there’s nothing degrading in it, that it doesn’t make you less of a man.’

He still looked shocked by the idea and maybe a little scared.

‘I don’t think…’ he said, backing away from me slightly.

‘Don’t think what?’ I asked, pulling him flush against me.

He dropped his eyes and said quietly ‘I don’t know what to do.’

I couldn’t help but kiss him, hard. He clung to me tightly, I could tell by the press of his fingers that our argument had upset him, that the weeks since my wedding had taken a toll and that the offer I’d made was more than a little overwhelming. Judging by the rock hardness against my leg I suspected that it was also more than slightly enticing.

‘We’ll work it out together,’ I promised softly.

At that he smiled and seemed to relax a little. This time he leaned forward and kissed me. I ran hands over him and pulled at his clothes. He did the same to me and I walked him towards the bed. I dropped us both down on the bed and for a moment felt the overwhelming urge to take him, to lose myself in his body but I needed him to know what I felt when I took his body, that it was love and joy I felt not some sort of vindictive pleasure that I was conquering him. 

So I rolled us over so that he was on top of me. He pulled back, he was still looking a little unsure.

I reached up to cup his face and brought his head to rest against mine ‘come on Hephaistion, take me,’ I lowered my voice ‘make me yours,’ and then barely audible ‘please.’

And he was kissing me. Kissing me with a hunger I hadn’t felt from him in a long time. I reached under the blankets for the vial of oil I’d left there and placed it into his hand. I spread my legs beneath him and he moved to lie beside me. I watched him slick his fingers and noticed that his hands were shaking slightly. I think he was more nervous than our first time together all those years ago.

Having slicked the fingers of his right hand I pulled him back down and felt him tentatively brush against my opening. It had been too long since I’d held him and I was so aroused it hurt ‘would you please just get on with it?’ I said a little harshly. 

He responded by pushing two fingers inside me. I gasped and arched my back and grabbed his arms. I watched him smile at my response and grinned as I tried to catch my breath.

‘That better?’ he asked. I nodded, not trusting my voice and he began to move his fingers in and out. He brushed against whatever it was that always made him writhe and whimper against me. I had much the same reaction. 

He continued to pleasure me in such a way until I was moving against his fingers. I was beyond patience at this point and reached down to pull him up to me.

“I am ready my love,” I said softly. “Now come on and make me yours.”

He looked overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment and paused for a minute, just looking at me. But then the moment broke and he lined himself up and pushed inside me. 

I will admit it was more painful than I had expected but it was nothing I could not bear for him.

“It will be better in a moment,” he whispered to me. “Just try and relax.”

I nodded and did my best to follow his instruction. And he was right. Before long the pain faded and all I was left with was a feeling of fullness. He began to move now and we locked eyes as we always did. I regretted not doing this years ago, not only because it was obviously given Hephaistion the wrong impression but because it felt so good.

Our eyes met and I hoped my eyes told him what he meant to me. We did not last long, it was too new and exciting this reversal of our roles. When he came inside me it was with a sound that seemed half a moan half a sob, a noise which I echoed moments later.

He collapsed in my arms on the bed, still inside me.

“I love you Hephaistion,” I murmured softly. “I cannot live without you. If this is the way you want things so we can be together, then this is the way it will be.”

He raised his head to look at me. “This is not the way I always want it,” he said softly. “I am yours as much as you are mine. You are right, let us be equals in this.”

“As we are in everything,” I agreed, the heavy weight of his absence lifted from my heart.

We fell asleep like boys, wrapped around each other with no care for who would find us.


End file.
